. yakult .

dear my blog i shall give you name someday. huff.. i feel sad today. tired and sad. sad because i just realized... along the time, i was and am a bad person. a bad friend, a bad girl friend, bad sister, bad daughter. my friend complain about me of me being in a word selfish. i won't blame her tho. coz i was and am so into myself. especially last year, this year or these few months. i feel like shit. for the first time. but this shitty shit of me i hope it will soon be gone and be better. i just want to say sorry for all my friends and whoever you are that read this crap and do feel that you hate me. i won't blame you guys. i am just too tired and too full of my problems. i am trying to change my attitude. change the way i think and all. i allow you to hate me just be it so. i am no longer being myself right now.

i feel tired because i am so forcing myself to being okay and have been letting my mind wandering around and i feel tired to worry about what people think and what did i do wrong. well, blog... this is something personal but someone left me without a real and clear reason. may be because i was too selfish as well. may be i was really bad. i am tired. i just want to stop guessing. stop letting my mind wandering around with the wild and torturing imagination. if the person left me because of those reasons. be it so then i am trying to just let it go.

for now, i just want to be alone. literally and figuratively alone. i just need people to spare me a little. hate me then but just don't shower me with more problems. i had enough this year... i need to rest and take a break. i need to study and work to take away those unhappy thoughts. i love you guys i miss you guys but i am tired and i need to get away from society. i need to be stronger. i need to... so please help me. i am not as strong as a bear i thought i am... i also can just break down and cry. spare my tears and my eyes. they are needed for my job.

at least God still love me eventho i am a bad person. He still give me the job that i want. the job won't be easy it will be tough but He will hold my hand and walk thru this. i believe in Him.