i followed this cute blog name someday i will.. and i found something today. thanks =)
it says "you can't have a better tomorrow if you don't stop thinking about yesterday". yeah! this is totally what i have been facing since last year 'til now? but i just can't help it. being insecure is sucks to the max! i gotta reduce this insecurity feeling. as what D said.. i gotta change my priority. my work should come first. i absolutely know about that. before i met D, my number one priority is work. work harder to get a better job. but i am not a person who can just step out while there are still unsettle things behind. like what i am facing right now. i am so grateful and thank God for that. He gave me chance to learnt both graphic design and animation. when i came to portfolio, it's hard for me to focus on either one of them.
when i am working on animation, i think about graphic and the other way around. i know what i want for sure. i want to work in CG industry. hell, i really want that! being an animator, learn lot of stuff from great animators. that doesn't mean that i hate graphic. i do love graphic so very much. but i gotta strengthen up my skill. coz that 1 year in 3dsense isn't enough for me. but i am a foreigner in this place. hard for me to get a job that i want. i wish the singapore government is kind enough to approve my pr. ;)
okay, so back to the main problem. i am insecure! how can i not be! before D get together with me. he got an awesome, smart, sweet lady with him. to tell you the truth eventho i never met her, i can tell she is. i know, the situation is different now. we gotta move on. i never really have a serious relationship before (eventho it's not official yet). i never feel this insecure in my whole life before. i never compare myself to other this bad before. what should i do? D went back to his hometown last week. he met up with her. from what i get is they talked and all thing settled. i feel relieve but bad. i don't know why. but i am glad coz both of them move on now.. i think... but still... there is something here stuck in my little poor beating thing inside my body... may be altho me and D are together. but i never really feel his presence. i do love him he is a great guy. hard working and all. sometimes, i am hesitate to even think that we are together. i think that is because of his character. anw i still like him and i wish after a long failed crush with my good friend, this one is the last. he gave me chance to move on from the unreachable moon and so do i. we help each other. fall in love and i wish this is real ha!
muah!
i keep on questioning myself. what exactly is i always love you? does it means that i will always love you til the death apart us? so how if they broke up and in the end of the relationship other party still say I love you. I love u always. does that means he will still love her no matter what happen? so what if he start a new chapter of his life, he tell the new girl i love you. does that means he love the previous girl and this girl? how can you "love" two people in the same time? was it a love to real close friend or boy and girl? well! this is just a random thoughts. this has been confusing me.