Friday, April 29, 2011

. i want to .

how stupid i am. i've been waiting for sanctum to show and i lost track. i've been planning to watch it today or sunday. but just realized there is no more showing in the cinema. :(

. watched .

hmmm i just finished watching the count of monte cristo 2002 movie. i don't know if i should pleased or if i should feel disappointed by it. but i dare to say, the book is much more triple better than the movie. i am not good in giving a review and i am not in a position in giving one. the movie is quite entertaining. but it ruin my image of the count of monte cristo. we can tolerate it for that is only the movie, so they need to cut out some part and replace it and lots of things are really different from the book. still i adore and love my count from the original dumas. i find it a lil bit chessy. ;p for i am not really seeking for romance in this movie. but it is quite entertaining. next stop, the three musketeer :) the book is sitting on my desk right now and i shall read it soon.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

. accomplished .

. my close friend for months! .

. my beloved cockles .

. uuuuh the spicy basil beef! .

. i possess to a ugly walrus who ate all the baby oysters .

heya! i am in a super duper hyper period! ugh! i think this is because of the run. haha! if only everyday i am like this. when you have problems and when the world turning not as what you wanted. go and run! so, i have 3 things to share to-night.

1. yay! i finished the count of monte cristo!!! but i feel sad i have to parted with the count, abbe bussoni, lord wilmore. haha. they have been my best companion. my best friend for months! until the book cover looks like i owned it for ten years. haha. i closed the book with a big smile. ;D i love this book very much!

"no, indeed i calm," said morrel, giving his hand to the count, "my pulse does not beat slower or faster than usual. no, i feel i have reached the goal, and i will go no farther. you told me to wait and hope, do you know what you did, unfortunate adviser? i waited a month, or rather i suffered for a month! i did hope (man is a poor wretched creature), i did hope. what, i cannot tell something wonderful, an absurdity, a miracle of what nature, he alone can tell who has mingled with our reason that folly we can hope. yes, i did wait, yes, i did hope, count, and during this quarter of an hour we have been talking together, you have unconsciously wounded, tortured my heart, for every word you have uttered proved that there was no hope for me. ohm coundt, i shall sleep calmly, deliciously in the arms of death!"

there is neither happiness nor misery in the world, there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. he who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.

"Darling," replied Valentine, "has not the count just told us that all human wisdom was contained in these two words, 'Wait and hope'?"

2. i run today! well, i ran the other day and the other other day. but today is different. i ran and i think nothing. i ran and i am not stopping. i ran and i feel joy. i ran and i am smiling. i ran like i used to be.

3. i ate cockles again!!! o.O" three weeks in a row i keep on eating cockles. this question poped out. my friend asked me "what will you became if you eat too much cockles" and i suddenly think and think and may be i should stop or may be just take a break for at least a month or so? and she said i remind her of walrus and carpenter from alice in the wonderland hahaha. guess what? i am the walrus! she said, because i am the one who ate poor baby oysters.
i am in the middle of confusion! which one should i do? finished my count of monte cristo or watch the movie?? huaaaaaaaaa major confusion! but i almost going to the last chapter. but the movie is calling my name. o.O"

. today i love miss sara .

i love the catchy and funny tones of miss sara!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

. today i love miss pocca .

I once lived for the future
Every day was one day closer
Greener on the other side
Yes I believed before I met you
But I soon learned your love burned brighter than the stars in my eyes
Now I know how and when, I know where and why.

i miss you! i hope you do so too. if you don't at least remember all those laughs that once we had and until the day we met again.

Monday, April 25, 2011

. but .

my bunny is the cutest no?

sometimes you wonder if he love you or if he love you not. but you got to believe at least what you have seen were real and not made up.

don't look back they said but it is easier to say than to proceed. but you got to try for you can't undo what is done.

he is happier and it is sad when you watch him laugh like he has nothing to worry and feel sorry about but trust me you won't know what is inside his mind.

you wish you never give him a chance but everything happens for a reason and it let you understand what is love really means.

just remember them on your mind. you love him and he once love you that what is all about.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

. one happy night .

isn't she cuttest! ;D

just for steffi ;)

yesterday not my day at least not until evening when again i met up with steffi. my beloved friend! it's been so long since i last really talk to her in person. she went back to indo after study. i miss her miss marsha and fanny so badly! so, steffi is here just for couple days with her family. she dragged me to attend a jang keun suk event. yeah! i tot she meant she wanted me to accompany her to his movie. i was so clueless who is that jang person. i am not a korean drama fans. i never really been actor or actresses or singer fans either. i prefer stage performance like a play than a concert. yesterday was my first. well, it's not too bad. no offence but it was not really my thing. kinda cheesy for me. :p but as long as steffi feels happy. aside from that, i really had a great time with steffi. we talk alot, share alot ugh! i just realized how much i miss her. we went for a late night dinner. yeah, dinner! i was so hungry since i only took my breakfast. we went to eat seafood!!! hahaha just a simple meal. reminds me of those nights and days which marsha, stef, fan and me used to had. for a night i didn't feel lonely. :)

still remember? there is a lion king show here in singapore. me and d were planning to go. well, more like i dragged him. since he is an artsy person as well. it is nice when you watch a performance with someone who appreciates those play or with someone you really close to. bleah! but well well we are not together anymore (sad) and seems like not lots of my friend fond of play. last last year i am not going to the rodger and hammerstein cinderella coz noone want to join me. same as phantom and the others. as well as this time. well, one of my friend wanted to watch tho. but he said lion king extended until august and the girl that he like is coming here somewhere june or july. so, they are going to watch. i don't feel like disturbing that moment ;p i am happy when i saw others happy too. because i am not that happy and i am lonely and failed in love. that doesn't means others has to :). well well... i fixed my mind! i am going to lion king alone! but i am not sure should i go next month coz i can't wait any longer or should i go on july? on my birthday. since i don't really want to celebrate my this year birthday with bunch of people. hahaha drama! but yeah. i just want to be alone as well.

thanks to blogspot, a place where i escape from the world. place where instead of me sharing story to d as what i used to be, i can write it here. blogspot is my close friend now :)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

. hope .

I posted a story of goldilocks before and today, someone commented on that post. Such a very old post. But i am glad someone read it again and she feel happy about it. That reminds me of another lovely story that i would like to share here, it is a famous story. It is a beautiful story. It tells about life. My best friend introduced this story to me. I love this story ever since. Now, if you never read it before. I assure you. You will love this story as much as i did. :)

patience, hope and love can be so important in allowing one to truly become who they really are.

(source) (source)

This is the tale of a caterpillar who has trouble becoming what he really is.
It is like myself – like us. Love Trina

Once upon a time, a tiny striped caterpillar burst from the egg which had been home for so long. “Hello world,” he said. “It sure is bright out here in the sun.” “I’m hungry,” he thought and straightaway began to eat the leaf he was born on. And he ate another… and another….and another. And got bigger…and bigger….and bigger….Until one day he stopped eating and thought, “There must be more to life that just eating and getting bigger. “It’s getting dull.” So Stripe crawled down from the friendly tree which had shaded and fed him. He was seeking more. There were all sorts of new things to find. Grass and dirt and holes and tiny bugs each fascinated him. But nothing satisfied him. When he came across some other crawlers like himself he was especially excited. But they were so busy eating They had no time to talk just as Stripe had been. “They don’t know any more about life than I do," he sighed.Then one day stripe saw some crawlers really crawling. He looked around for their goal and saw a great column rising high into the air. When he joined them he discovered the column was a pile of squirming, pushing caterpilalrs a caterpillar pillar. It appeared that the caterpillars were trying to reach the top but the top was so lost in the clouds that Stripe had no idea what was there. He felt new excitement like sap rising in the spring. “Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for.”Full of agitation Stripe asked a fellow crawler: “Do you know what is happening?” “I just arrived myself,” said the other. “Nobody has time to explain; they’re so busy trying to get wherever they are going up there.” “But what’s at the top?” continued Stripe. “No one knows that either but it must be awfully good because everybody’s rushing there. Goodbye, I’ve no more time!” He plunged into the pile. Stripe’s head was bursting with the new drive. He couldn’t get his thoughts together. Every second another crawler passed him and disappeared into the pillar. “There’s only one thing to do.” He pushed himself in.

The first moments on the pile were a shock. Stripe was pushed and kicked and stepped on from every direction. It was climb or be climbed. No more fellow caterpillars on Stripe’s pile. They became only threats and obstacles which he turned into steps and opportunities. They single-minded approach really helped and Stripe felt he was getting much higher. But some days it seemed he could manage only to keep his place. It was especially then that an anxious shadow nagged inside. “What’s at the top?” it whispered. “Where are we going?” On one exasperated day Stripe couldn’t stand it any longer and actually yelled back: “I don’t know, but there’s no time to think about it!” A little yellow caterpillar he was crawling over gasped: “I was just talking to myself,” Stripe mumbled. “Its really isn’t important – I was just wondering where we were going?” “You know,” Yellow said, “I was wondering that myself but since there is no way to find out I decided it wasn’t important.” She blushed at how silly this sounded quickly adding, “No one else seems to worry about where we’re going so it must be good.” But she blushed again. “How far are we from the top?” Stripe answered gravely, “Since we’re not at the bottom and not at the top we must be in the middle.” “Oh,” said Yellow, and they both began climbing again. But now Stripe had a new feeling. He felt bad. He had lost his single mindedness.“How can I step on someone I’ve just talked to?” Stripe avoided Yellow as much as possible, but one day there she was, blocking the only way up. “Well, I guess it’s you or me,” he said, and stepped squarely on her head. Something in the way Yellow looked at him made him feel
just awful about himself. Like: no matter what is up there - it just isn’t worth it. Stripe crawled off Yellow and whispered, “I’m sorry.”And Yellow began to cry: “I could stand this life hoping in what was ahead until I met you talking to yourself that day. Since then my heart hasn’t been in it – but I don’t know what to do.” “I didn’t know how badly I felt about this life until now. Now when you look at me so kindly, I know for sure I don’t like this life. I just want to do something like crawl with you and nibble grass.” Stripe’s heart leapt inside. Everything looked different. The pillar made no sense at all.
"I would like that too,” he whispered. But this meant giving up the climb a hard decision.
“Yellow dear, maybe, we’re close to the top. Maybe if we help each other we can
get there quickly.” “Maybe,”
she said. But they both knew this wasn’t what they wanted most. “Let’s go down,” Yellow said. “Okay.” And they stopped climbing. They clung to each other as masses of caterpillars crawled over them. The air was terrible but they were happy with each other and made a big ball so nobody could step in their eyes and stomachs.They did nothing at all for what seemed a long time. Suddenly they didn't feel anything crawling over them. They unrolled and opened their eyes. They were at the side of the caterpillar pillar. “Hi stripe,” said Yellow. “Hi Yellow,” said Stripe. And they crawled off into some fresh, green grass to eat and take a nap.Just before they fell asleep Stripe hugged Yellow. “Being together like this is sure different from being crushed in that crowd!” “It sure is!” She smiled and closed her eyes.

So Yellow and Stripe romped in the grass and ate and grew fat and loved each other. They were so glad not to be fighting everybody every moment. It was like heaven for a while. But as time passed even hugging each other seemed a little boring. Each know every hair of each other.
Stripe couldn’t help wondering, “There must be still more to life.”Yellow saw how restless he was and tried to make him extra happy and comfortable. “Just think how much better this is than that awful mess we have left,” she said. “But we don’t know what’s at
the top,”
he answered. “Maybe we were wrong to come down. Maybe now that we’ve rested the two of us could make it to the top.” “Dear Stripe, please,” she begged.
"We can have a nice home and we love each other and that’s enough. It’s much more than all those lonely climbers have.” She was so sure, Stripe let her convince him.
But only for awhile Stripe’s hankering for the climbing life worsened. The pillar haunted him. He crawled there regularly, looking up and wondering. But the top remained clouded. One day at the pillar, three thuds startled Stripe. Three big caterpillars had fallen from some place and smashed. Two seemed dead but one still wiggled. Stripe whispered, “What happened?”
"Can I help?” He made out just a few words. “The top….they’ll see…. Butterflies alone…” The caterpillar died.Stripe crawled home and told Yellow. They were both very sober
and quite. What did the mysterious message mean? Had the caterpillars fallen from the very top? Finally, Stripe announced: “I’ve got to know. I must go and find out the secret of the top.” And more gently, “Will you come and help me?” Yellow struggled inside. She loved Stripe and wanted to be with him. She wanted to help him succeed. But she just couldn’t believe that the top was worth all it asks to get there. She wanted to get “up” too; the crawling
life wasn’t enough for her either. She also had to admit that it looked like the pile was the only way to do it. Stripe seemed to sure that Yellow felt ashamed not to agree. She also felt stupid and embarrassed since she could never put her reasons into words that his kind of logic would accept.
Yet somehow, waiting and not being sure was better than action she couldn’t believe in. She couldn’t explain, she couldn't prove anything but for all her love she couldn’t go with Stripe. She just knew climbing was a wrong way to get high. “No,” she said, heartsick. And Stripe left her for his climb.

Yellow was desolate without Stripe. She crawled daily to the pile looking for him and returning
home at night sad, but half relieved that she never saw him. If she had, she feared she might
plunge after him knowing that she shouldn't. She felt like doing something, anything, rather that this uncertain waiting. “What in the world do I really want?" she sighed. “It seems different every few minutes.” “But I know there must be more.” Finally she became numb and wandered away from everything familiar.One day a grey haired caterpillar hanging upside down on a branch surprised her. He seemed caught in some hairy stuff. “You seem in trouble,” she said. “Can I help?” “No, my dear, I have to do this
to become a butterfly.”
Her whole inside leapt. “Butterfly – that word,” she thought.
“Tell me Sir, what is a butterfly?” “It’s what you are meant to become. It flies with beautiful wings and joins the earth to heaven. It drinks only nectar from the flowers and carries the seeds of love from one flower to another.” “Without butterflies the world would soon have few flowers.”“It can’t be true!” grasped Yellow.
“How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?” “How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively. “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” “You mean to die?” asked Yellow, remembering the three who fell out of the sky. “Yes and No,” he answered.
“What looks like you will die but what’s really you will still live. Life is changed not taken away. Isn’t that different from those who die without ever becoming
butterflies?” “And if I decide to become a butterfly,”
said Yellow hesitantly. “What do I do?” “Watch me. I’m making a cocoon. It looks like I’m hiding, I know, but a cocoon is no escape. It’s an in between house where the change takes place. It’s a big step since you can never return to caterpillar life. During the change, it will seem to you or to anyone who might peek that nothing is happening but the butterfly is already becoming." “It just takes time!” “And there’s something else!
“Once you are a butterfly, you can really love the kind of love that makes a new life. It’s better than all the hugging caterpillars can do.”
“Oh, let me go and get
Yellow said. But she sadly knew he was far into the pile to possibly reach. “Don’t be sad,” said her new friend. “If you change, you can fly and show him how beautiful butterflies are. Maybe he will want to become one too!”Yellow was torn in anguish:
“What if Stripe comes back and I’m not there? What if he doesn’t recognize my
new self? Suppose he decides to stay a caterpillar? At least we can do something as caterpillars we can crawl and eat. We can love in some way. How can two cocoons get together at all? How awful to get stuck in a cocoon?”
How could she risk the only life she knew when it seemed so unlikely she could ever be a glorious winged creature?
What did she have to go on? Seeing another caterpillar who believed enough to make his own
cocoon. And that peculiar hope which had kept her off the pillar and leapt within her when she heard about butterflies. The grey haired caterpillar continued to cover himself with silky threads. As he wove the last bit around his head he called: “You’ll be a beautiful butterfly
we’re all waiting for you!”
And Yellow decided to risk for a butterfly. For courage she hung right beside the other cocoon and began to spin her own. “Imagine, I didn’t even know I
could do this. That’s some encouragement that I’m on the right track. If I have inside me the stuff to make cocoons maybe the stuff of butterflies is there too.”

Stripe made much faster progress this time. He was bigger and stronger since he had taken time
out. From the beginning he determined to get to the top. He especially avoided meeting the eyes of other crawlers. He knew how fatal such contact could be. He tried not to think of yellow. He disciplined himself neither to feel nor to be distracted. Stripe didn’t seem just “disciplined”
to others he seemed ruthless. Even among climbers he was special. He didn’t think he was against anybody. He was just doing what he had to if he was to get to the top. “Don’t blame me if you don’t succeed! It’s a tough life. Just make up your mind,” he would have said had any caterpillar complained. Then one day he was near his goal. Stripe had done well but when light finally filtered down from the top, he was close to exhaustion. At this height there was almost no movement. All held their positions with every skill a lifetime of climbing had taught
them. Every small move counted terribly. There was no communication. Only the outsides touched. They were like cocoons to one another. Then one day Stripe heard a crawler above him saying, “None of us can get any higher without getting rid of them.” Soon after, he felt tremendous pressure and shaking. Then came screams and falling bodies. Then silence; lots more light and less weight from above. Stripe felt awful with this new knowledge. The mystery of the pillar was clear. He now knew what had happened to the three caterpillars.He now knew what must always happen on the pillar. Frustration surged through Stripe. But as he was agreeing this was the only way “up” he heard a tiny whisper from the top.“There’s nothing here at all!” It was answered by another: “Quiet fool! They’ll hear you down the pillar. We’re where they want to get. That’s what’s here!” Stripe felt frozen. To be so high and not high at all! It only looked good from the bottom. The whisper came again, “Look over there another pillar and there too everywhere!” Stripe became angry as well as frustrated. “My pillar,” he moaned, “only one of thousands." “Millions of caterpillars climbing nowhere!" “Something is really wrong what else is there?” His life with Yellow seemed so far away. That wasn’t it either – not quite. “Yellow!” He let her image fill his being. “You knew something, didn’t you? Was it courage to wait?” “Maybe she was right. I wish I were with her.” “I could go down,” he thought. “I’d look ridiculous but maybe it’s better than what’s happening here.”But Stripe’s thought was interrupted by
bursts of movement all over his level. Each seemed to be making a last effort to find some entry to the top. But with every push the top layer tightened. Finally one caterpillar gasped, “Unless we try together nobody will reach the top. Maybe if we give one big push! “They can’t hold us down forever!” But before they could act there were cries and commotion of another kind. Stripe struggled to the edge to see the cause. A brilliant yellow winged creature was circling the pillar, moving freely – a wonderful sight! How did it get so high
without climbing? When Stripe poked out his head the creature seemed to recognize him. It extended its legs and tried to grab him. Stripe caught himself just before being pulled out of the pile. The brilliant creature let go and looked sadly into his eyes. That look activated excitement Stripe hadn’t felt since he first saw the pillar. Words from the past returned, “………butterflies alone.”“Is this a butterfly?” And what did it mean “the top ….. they’ll see…”? It was all so strange and yet like it was supposed to be. And those eyes with the look of Yellow. Could it be?Such impossible thoughts! Yet the excitement inside wouldn't stop. He grew happy. Somehow he could escape, he could be carried away. But as this possibility became real,
something else grew inside. He felt he shouldn’t escape like this.Looking into the creature’s eyes
he could hardly bear the love he saw there. He felt unworthy. He wanted to change, to make
up for all the times he had refused to look at the other. He tried to tell her what he felt. He stopped struggling. The others stared at him as though he were mad.

He turned around and began down the pillar. This time he didn’t curl up. He stretched out full length and looked straight into the eyes of each caterpillar. He marveled at the variety and beauty, amazed that he had never noticed it before. He whispered to each, “I’ve been up;
there’s nothing there.”
Most paid no attention; they were too intent on climbing. One said, “Its sour grapes. He’s bitter. I bet he never made it to the top.”But some were shocked and even stopped climbing to hear him better. One of these whispered in anguish, “Don’t say it even if it’s true. What else can we do?” Stripe’s answer shocked them all – including himself! “We can fly! We can become butterflies! “There’s nothing at the top and it doesn’t matter!” As he heard his own message he realized how he had misread the instinct to get high. To get to the “top” he must fly, not climb. Stripe looked at each caterpillar inebriated with joy that there could be a butterfly inside.But the reaction was worse than before. He saw fear in eyes. They didn’t stop to listen or speak. This happy, glorious news, was too much to take too good to be true. And if it wasn’t true? The hope that lit up the pillar dimmed. All seemed confused and unreal. The way down was so immensely long. The vision of the butterfly
faded. Doubts flooded Stripe, The pile took on horrible dimensions. He struggled on barely blindly. It seemed wrong to give up believing seemed impossible. A crawler sneered, “How could you swallow such a story? Our life is earth and climbing. Look at us worms! We couldn't be butterflies inside. Make the best of it and enjoy caterpillar living!” “Perhaps he’s right,” sighed Stripe. “I haven’t any proof. Did I only make it up because I needed it so much?”And in pain he continued down searching for those eyes which would let him whisper. “I saw a butterfly – there can be more to life.” One day
finally, he was down.

Tired and sad, Stripe crawled off to the old place where Yellow and he had romped. She was not there and he was too exhausted to go further. He curled up and fell asleep. When he finally awoke he found the yellow creature fanning him with wings of light. “Is this a dream?” he wondered. But the dream creature acted awfully real. She stroked him with her feelers and most of all looked at him so lovingly that he began to trust that what he had said about becoming a butterfly might be true. She walked a little distance away, then flew back. She repeated it as if he should follow. So he did. They came to a branch from which hung two torn sacks. The creature kept on inserting her head, then her tail, into one of them. Then she would fly to him and touch him .Her feelers quivered and Stripe knew she was speaking. He couldn’t make out
words. Then slowly he seemed to understand. Somehow he knew what to do. Stripe climbed again.It got darker and darker and he was afraid. He felt he had to let go of everything until one day THE END or the beginning

. colour my days .

i love my blog new look! well, kinda same but with colors!! yay! i made some progress for the wedding :) see, told ya' you can do it, sisca!

. understood .

i was blind folded, but slowly i feel the warmth in my heart and the joyful that we used to had and i still have it in my heart. i'll cherish them and i am using this time to carefully rebuild what is missing, what is lost in me but only better.

but what about the time? the few years time? well, be it so! time is not the matter. becoming stronger and wiser is the matter. :)

thanks for your love.

. today i love .

mister frank sinatra :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

. resolution .

so, okay. one month has passed and i am still alive and kicking. ugh luckily still stay in shape *wink lols! i absolutely can go thru this. for i have promise that i shall be a fine lady. not for you, not for anyone but for myself. be independent woman. be a hard working lady AGAIN! and be someone that guy would fall for *aww can it be hmmm well that guy? lols! (ok just ignore my silliness. i didn't really mean that. for now i shall focus on my career and making lots and lots of money with saving them instead of buying useless stuff.) i'll eat healthy and i'll have a healthy lifestyle. i want to have a short animation made with the chosen one as well. as what we had planned before. until that time... someone is coming and seek for my existence. i'll be steady, lift up my head not too high coz that will seems too arrogant. but be steady and firm :) i haven't make any resolution this year. well this is it. be a better happisis! :) upgraded version.

i'll be okay. everything is going to be okay. i can't predicted what will happened next or in the future but what i can hope, wish and pray for is for the best. like now i love tilly very much but may be button will take his place, well.. who knows? :)

. work .

i wish those html language will be as exciting as dumas language as well. nothing that we cannot achieve in this world if we put our heart on it. i have a good feeling that i can perform well. at least i encourage myself. it will be similar with my raffles times but even bigger. which is i am so excited that the day come soon. but i need a help from a friend to give me a clue or two and i am sure i can handle it all by myself. learning isn't a scary thing to do. learning is excitement. getting smarter is a medal from that learning course. and hard working is what support both of them. i really hope that Daddy J will walk me through whole scenario that He had written.

. secretly secret .

okay, so i promise myself! i will try my best to be okay and not to think about those stuff anymore. but there is a thing.

the last thing that you want to do when you have a relationship is making it a secret. noh noh. it won't work. it won't work well. i mean if you are not a secret girlfriend or ok you are not a dirty mistress why should you? so, note to myself. if i have a relationship again (well if i am lucky enough to have one, which is not now or not anytime soon) i will demand not to making it a secret whatever it is. you need to hang out together with your friends, like all together. not only limit it just for two of you. i didn't mean to make it expose to the world that is also a no no... but just please don't make it a secret. think about your girlfriend or your boyfriend. that way, you won't feel so stress about this and that. you won't feel insecure and you won't feel burden. bleah~ i need to move on! lot more better thing to do than to think about the fall relationship. funny that i still not getting over him yet. still love him with all my heart but i'll try to put that aside while making progress to my own life.

. clueless .

i suddenly have this freak out! ugh! okay well not so sudden since few days ago and yesterday was worst -.-" haaaaaaaa the wedding story thingy for my friend and the study :( i hope i won't ruin it. i really not feeling so confident about them. especially the wedding thing. really finger crossed i won't ruined anything. i feel clueless sometimes. but everything will be just alright no? hmm wish me luck! i need to face them. bah!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

. mackie my love .

i sure miss my old powerbook g4. my one and only devoted lover that i ever had. he is old and slow but yet i fall in love with him since few years ago. never want to give it away, never want to give up on him. coz he always be with me during the happy and sad time. same thing happen to my red ipod nano. i miss her so much. i dissected every part and corner of my room but i couldn't find it :( sad.

i dont want to be a velveteen rabbit

. heighho .

yay! i have no lappie with me may be up until wednesday. my friend is kind enough to install some important softwares for my new job. yeah! lots of stuff to learn. time to self learning! yay! u feel that? i felt that. i smell exciting i smell challenge! i smell lots of work loads. i am going to really try my best and not to disappoint anybody. :) i might kinda new to the software but i'll prove it to myself that i can do it. humph i got to work on character designs now -.-" my friends happiness depends on me. you know, i feel well... under pressure when someone or something depends on me. but dont u think that makes you feel something and so special? you feel like you are someone that can be trusted! ugh! i totally love that feeling. it wont be all nice nice and happy and easy but when u please those people. hmm you'll feel all worth it. :) but remember! do it with all your heart!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sunday, April 17, 2011

. little chef .

lots and lots of post today. but don't care much. most probably noone will read this crap as well. i just love to post. haha! have i ever told you my lil sister work at one of the restaurant at marina bay sands? yeah she is. she asked me to draw something on her knife's cap. quite like it :D

. tea tea tea .

cup of tea warms your tummy. lots of cry cry and sob sob and weep weep ruin your day. do not try this at home, kids. they are unhealthy. smile smile smile it will brighten your days. :)

pssst... i would like a tea set for my birthday. cute one.
Insanity : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
i really need to revamp myself. work on my attitude and emotion. be a better person for my self and also shows that solitude is not always fun. :)

yeah, i just got a wake up call. i really need to work on lots of lots of things. love is just part of people's life. to make it work, you need to think about your surroundings. love won't buy you nice clothes and nice make up. love can't pay your bills :)

i wish D the best and i wish me the best too. i am so happy for him that he got the job. he will make a good team and he won't disappoint the people around him. so, i should do that too. even better double and triple times. time to be alone and be stronger. "you'll be miss." (i sure miss that sentence)

this life really driving me insane! for one full week. i did nothing. nothing!! slacking around, unhealthy food, unhealthy lifestyle. i supposed to do lots of stuff. prepare for the new job. doing a wedding video for my dear friends. i did nothing.i am so angry with myself. i messed up. i hate this kind of days. i hate the fact that i should go on with this tough days. i need someone. i said i don't but i need. i pretend to be tough. i pretend to be strong. i said i hate romance. i don't believe in fairy tales. but i still want to. i am afraid to kill that in me. i am in a major heart breaking. i miss all the quarrel, the tickling, the comfort. i miss all the craps and uncraps. i am afraid to losing them. but i need to try, don't i? i need to face this. i need to be brave and tell myself. this is going to be better and is going to be alright. why being in love is so hard? what is wrong with loving someone? what is wrong with wanting someone to be with you? what is wrong with everything? i hate my days.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

. slap me once slap me twice .

hey hey hey! i need to give my self a slap! noh noh twice! well... decision made! what is end is end what is done is done, what is over is over. humph. sad! *tear drops *flood. why can't we just be happy together with someone we love? i mean the job is the problem. you got the job. problem solve. not compatible? even macintosh trying to developing their system so it will compatible with other software. oh or the softwares trying to be compatible to the mackie? sigh love is really contagious just like what the kids in little manhattan movie says. i got cooties!!!! lols! noh it is not funny and i am not trying to be one. am bad at jokes as well. love... i won't have time for that, will i? pour me with lots of works! make me smarter and wiser. i don't know what i am talking about. -.-" pardon me, oh world! i am drunk. lols! seems like it.

ah! i sent a sorry message! o.O" people will think i am crazy. i wish the person who received it read this. lols! if i sent a "sorry wrong message" message it will be funny -.-'' haaaiz. haaaa! what was i doing??? -.-"

am kinda tired will all the nonsense. i am sick of lots of things and i am not happy about it!

. adult .

i used to be someone who always get teased by classmates, lecturers, friends, everyone because the fact that i still do believe in magic, santa claus and fairy tales. white horse prince (well i prefer black horse tho) with happily ever after. there is the time when peter realized he should leave neverland and shouldn't go back. it is a pain to finally grow up. i really was do believe in happily ever after but after what i've gone thru. i think they just exist in disney bedtime story that i own.

see that picture above, my dad gave me the castle to replace the snow globe that both my mom and dad suppose to brought me when they went to disneyland. that suppose to be sleeping beauty castle. i cherish them. my mom and dad always know i still believe in this sort of stuff and see the prince charming with cinderella infront of the castle, they are from the 1 dollar machine game that i played long time ago. i was so happy that i really treasure them and didn't want to expose it to people. coz i believe it will break the magic spell. i get both of them from my first and second game. i feel happy. i used to think that was the sign of i will find my prince charming and live happily ever after. lols! so, they were sort of my lucky charm. haha! but guess what... the spells didn't work. the magic didn't work at all. i can't believe it. the day has came that i stop believe in fairy tales.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

. 50 reasons not to date a graphic designer .

my friend give me this link and i think this are quite true! hmm i wonder.... is this why no guy likes me? o.O"

1. They are very weird people.
2. There are billions of them in the world, like colors on the screen of your computer.
3. They will analyse conversations in layers.
4. You will spend the day assembling furniture from IKEA.
5. They drink and eat all kinds of weird shit just because they like the packaging.
6. They hate each other.
7. You’ll come out the last out of the movies because you have to see the full list of credits.
8. They cant change a light bulb or without making a sketch.
9. They fuck up all the tables with their cutters.
10. They rather study the paisley pattern on your outfit than listen to what you have to say.
11. They will fill your house with magazines and whatever is out there that has drawings.
12. You never know if it is really an original or a copy.
13. They make collages with your photos.
14. They do not know how to add and subtract, they just understand letters.
15. They idolize people who nobody knows and speak of them as if they were his colleagues.
16. They take pictures almost daily and all are cut in weird shapes.
17. They ask your opinion about everything but they do whatever they want.
18. Everything is left justified, right or center unless they arrive late.
19. They hate Comic Sans with the same passion they love Helvetica.
20. They use iPhone for everything, because everyone has one.
21. You can not decorate the house without consulting them.
22. They steal street signs.
23. Always carry their hands painted with something.
24. They buy dolls unfinished for them to paint.
25. Everything becomes something other than what it really is: cards as tickets, cards as …
26. When arguing, you will be nicknamed like the OSX spinning wheel (not affectionately)
27. Do not know how to dress without consulting the Pantone book.
28. They hate Excel.
29. They read comics.
30. They want to save the world only with a poster.
31. You will spend the day brainstorming.
32. On vacation they will take you to countries that you do not know exist and have no beach.
33. Museums are their second home.
34. They know more positions than the Kamasutra.
35. They can’t go to a restaurant without secretly critiquing the menu design.
36. They listen to music you have never heard of.
37. They can´t cook a normal dish, they always have to experiment with new ingredients.
38. They read rare books: stories of children, Semiotics …
39. When you are going to tell you something, everyone has read it in their facebook and twitter.
40. They have own iPods before you knew they existed.
41. The orgasm they remember is when they heard that Adobe was acquiring Macromedia.
42. They have their own shops just for them and there are the most expensive in the city.
43. They want to spend all the money in the Apple Store.
44. You will never understand their gifts.
45. They see ordinary objects and laugh.
46. You wake up in the middle of the night hearim them screaming “When is the deadline?”
47. They see CMYK and RGB like Neo sees the Matrix.
48. They dream of the day nobody will make a single change to their designs.
49. They rather pay for a font than for a special birthday gift.
50. They are always sleepy because they work 24/7.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

. ms.shortie .

friends always tease my fingers. i am tall but not my fingers. they are short and fat. there is only one person who is dummy enough to said my fingers shaped like candles. they are beautiful. hahaha! that was the only rare compliment that i get from someone. even tho they are short big and fat. i love them. :)

. slack day! .

pardon me, world. i've been slacking around at home with sarpino's pizza, mc dreamy, and my latest uber cute seo do yong oppa. lols! there was a time i stop watching korean drama, taiwanese drama, japanese drama. even their songs i didn't even listen to them anymore. but one day i was at home and feel so bored i just switched channel end up to kbs channel with korean drama thorn bird. i always tease my guy friend that he is an ahjuma ahhaha. but for some reason i just find this thorn bird quite interesting to watch. and i fall for seo do yong oppa! i like him more than the lead guy. before, he wasn't this cute! he used to be so thin, not so tall. but voila! now he became this tall buffed charming guy with the charming smile *melted. in other hand mc dreamy's smile is so dreamy!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Did You Say It?

I Love You

I Don't Ever Want To Live Without You

You Changed My Life

Did You Say It?

Make a plan, set a goal

work toward it

But every now & then look around.

Drink it in

Coz this is it

It might all be gone tomorrow

Monday, April 11, 2011

. romance is boring .

lols! i can't believe it i said that on the title. romance is boring. indeed it is! ha! i always be a fans of chick flick and romance. i never a fan of horror, thriller, action movies. hell no! i have no guts to watch those movies. but guess what hmmm i love silent hill. haha it surprised me and made my heart da bump for a while at the starting of the movie. but oh... it is nice! i love the devils. haha they are beautiful. my friends were kinda shocked that i actually not covered my eyes and i am okay to watch that. i am kinda proud of myself!! i am not scared at all!

then, we continue with enough. a movie with j.lo inside. ugh! i love this movie. you guys should watch it. haha the first j.lo movie without romance inside that i've ever watched. ;p she makes me want to learn kick boxing. lols! kick boxing is cool!

i can't wait for next adrenaline rush movie! i am planning to watch limitless and plan to watch it alone. i hope that is a good movie.

this time around, lots of things happening and i am glad for that coz it open my eyes. i can see there are lots of jerky out there. but hey! i got to thank you guys! coz you make me strive to be better and braver! i am tired of people keep on saying i am such a kiddo, such a princess and a spoiled brat. i'll show them that i am not a weakling. bleee! SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWKITY SQUAWK SQUAWK!!!! =p (if you watch rio you'll know what is that lols!)

Friday, April 8, 2011

. today i love .

. alberto giacometti a swiss cluptor, painter, draughtsman, printmaker. the elongated and unique sculpture caught my eyes :) like to learn more about him . source.

. indeed it is .

earth is a funny place that is why we love and we hate it, no? :) if the earth always provide us happy happy forever, our life won't be fun and full of adventure.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

. inspiration .

what if your best intentions keep making a mess of things? yeah, i get this from glee. when rachel wrote a song out of her feeling to finn. gee! really recently i should said, glee and dumas really inspire me. i've been thru something that really hurts me. first i think that wasn't right and then i think that was unfair. i wasn't the one who made mistakes and why should i feel guilty about all of this? and hey, i have tried so hard. but why this world just not on my side? i keep on complaining complaining and blaming and begging. lols! if i look back to my last month me! i would have throw up! it is not me at all. but hey, i am sure everyone is going thru this stage. i feel grateful for it. now, i made few changes on me and have made few decisions. i am happy to live with them at least up until now. :) i just finish watching glee "the originals" i love the last two songs "get it right" by rachel and "loser like me" by new direction. really, i should have said this. those two songs really hit me hard right on my forehead. lols i don't know what that means hahaha. but i feel those two songs are well illustrate. they really are happening in peoples life including mine. i must said, glee have given inspiration for youngster and the people who are young at heart ;p.

i love this quote from the "get it right" song. it really shows what i feel right now. i have been insanely unbelievable those weeks. felt the break down and all. but somehow i want to be stronger and wiser. i am Daddy's daughter so i should make Him proud. i did this for Him for He gave me this life and chance :)

can i start again with my faith shaken?
cause i can't go back and undo this
i just have to stay and face my mistakes
but if i get stronger and wiser
i'll get through this :)

so i throw up my fist
throw a punch in the air
and accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
i'll send out a wish
i'll send up a prayer

and this song is for those people who made me feel down! o.O" during my school time or after that. whatever you guys speak i don't care for i am proud of myself.

you may think that i'm a zero
but everyone you wanna be
probably started off like me
you may say that i'm a freakshow, i don't care
give me just a little time
i bet you're gonna change your mind

just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth so everyone can hear
hit me with the words you got and knock me down
i don't care
keep it up, i'm turning up to fade you out
you wanna be
a loser like me

. uh la la .

. lets go to platform 9 3/4 .

aaaaaaaaaauuuhhh! i want to go to the magic Harry Potter (please use the beautiful British accent) land! i love magic. i love Potter! who doesn't??? o.O

. am watching .

so, i've been watching glee on tv and hey, season 2 is so much fun! i love glee :) my fave couple is puckerman and lauren zizes haha i feel puck is so cute when he is around lauren lols. and yes! i am lil pumped up again! i am going to start with the project that i should have been working on :). thanks glee, thanks dumas :) thanks marsha, julia, pauz, francine,jz, allex, shaun, mike as well :) for the meals and the talks and the crap lols.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

. unseen .

what is going on with today? sigh. i really feel not that pumped up all of sudden. hold hold hold still there sisca, you are going to be okay. just ignore all of that and don't be too stress. cheer cheer cherrio!

btw i still am on reading the count of monte cristo. not once that i ever give a "sigh" and wanted to skip those pages. i enjoy all story. dumas is really genius :) i found this beautiful answer from maximilian to valentine when valentine asked him about what the count of monte cristo have done to him that he really loves him "I own that your question embarrasses me, Valentine, for I cannot say that the count has rendered me any ostensible service. Still, as I have already told you I have an instinctive affection for him, the source of which I cannot explain to you. Has the sun done anything for me? No; he warms me with his rays, and it is by his light that I see you—nothing more. Has such and such a perfume done anything for me? No; its odor charms one of my senses—that is all I can say when I am asked why I praise it. My friendship for him is as strange and unaccountable as his for me. A secret voice seems to whisper to me that there must be something more than chance in this unexpected reciprocity of friendship. In his most simple actions, as well as in his most secret thoughts, I find a relation to my own. You will perhaps smile at me when I tell you that, ever since I have known this man, I have involuntarily entertained the idea that all the good fortune which has befallen me originated from him. However, I have managed to live thirty years without this protection, you will say; but I will endeavor a little to illustrate my meaning. He invited me to dine with him on Saturday, which was a very natural thing for him to do. Well, what have I learned since? That your mother and M. de Villefort are both coming to this dinner. I shall meet them there, and who knows what future advantages may result from the interview? This may appear to you to be no unusual combination of circumstances; nevertheless, I perceive some hidden plot in the arrangement—something, in fact, more than is apparent on a casual view of the subject. I believe that this singular man, who appears to fathom the motives of every one, has purposely arranged for me to meet M. and Madame de Villefort, and sometimes, I confess, I have gone so far as to try to read in his eyes whether he was in possession of the secret of our love."

for me that words mean we might not see anything in physical form but somehow, you can just feel the love, respect, care and appreciation from someone. eventho they didn't show you or buy you a gift or two, but you will never know behind that they actually care for you. ugh i don't know how to explain but i just love that sentences. for me that is beautiful :) gday!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

. caught my heart again? .

post post post again. ahhaha i just like to post. i just love to share. i was searching and searching for that icon watch. asked google machine if he can find icon watch here in singapore. but i found well near to nothing. i try the key word icon watch + rockstar. ahah one of my fave store in here. then i try to search + black market. one of the coolest store here. yeah, i found nothing about icon watch. but in return, i checked black market blog and found lilia yap. creative lady who created nice beautiful art pieces. i like that one the one on the top. so cute, agree? go go and check the website. i always adore people who is creative. they inspire me alot.

check this one as well. i think this is cool :O

. outdated me .

o.O i am so outdated. i just found out the icon watch been there since last few years. i am sure i saw it somewhere but couldn't recalled. i can buy it online tho but i would like to try it on my wrist first. if it is suit me or not. anw, really cute and unique piece. i love it. i hope i can find it here in singapore. =)

. this surely caught my eyes and heart .

i was walking around with my cursor, stops at few places and ta da! i found those watch! i want i want it! can i have one? where can i buy it in singapore? the icon watch is so cute and it stole my heart o.O"

. i love paul .

Monday, April 4, 2011

my heart feel betrayed by someone. it is painful. a lot of lie happening.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

. no weakling .

i had a good time yesterday. well, it will be great if my friend would want to join me :) feel like sharing my full spirit with him yesterday. i got a well, kinda good news for myself.. but i am not all jumping about it. but i feel grateful tho. coz He heard my prayer :) i went to an awesome talk about something cool and i would like to share it to my dearest friend as well. but again he doesn't shows up :p. it's okay.

well, i have this new line for myself. "i am no weakling therefore, i fear nothing :)" cheer up and you go girl!

Friday, April 1, 2011

. myob please .

people have no idea what i've been through. i wonder why people not just mind their own business. it breaks my heart. why others love to make someone feel uneasy and sick. ugh! don't waste your time, please! that is why i dislike those nonsense talk. o.O"

. far away .

once there was a fine man who came after a young lost girl. he took away his pride and did whatever he could to win the lady heart. he made it and the young girl feel grateful of what God have presented her, a fine, seems brave and tough man. she was touched by his honesty and sincerity. she was touched by how he seems so brave and tough but he was just put on the crystal clear mask. her heart was caught by the imperfection of this gentleman for the imperfection make it seems this is not a dream. the young girl learnt he was nothing in a good shape but she didn't care but fall for him. they chose to be together in a silence nobody knows. she was happy even nobody knows. that made it special. but she felt insecure once and twice and did unpleasant thing that hurt the gentleman feeling. the insecurity soon be gone. they went through ups and down. she did mistakes and he forgave her. he did mistakes and she forgave him. they were in love. when he came back from his trip he brought unpleasant news that bring them to separation. she should accept for she must respect the elderly. for once the girl feel the greatest love but couldn't show it out.

now she lost him for he have to fullfil his task. she was lost once again and she miss him in every single beat of her heart. but she held a promises to be a real fine lady. although she has plenty of acquaintance, she couldn't deny but she lost the love of her life. she seems happy and cheerful as always but her heart is torn apart. she pray for the gentleman never to forget her. never forget the moment that they have been through. the happy moment that they shared. for she loves him with all her heart. couldn't wait but to share the moment with him share the good and bad news with him. carry the burdens together for it would be lighter. she has found her best friend only him could be the right companion.

whenever she feel unhappy, she would remember that he is doing alright so she should feel happy too. she pray this is not the end because she has a greatest Daddy of all.