what i experience now and then are/were no compare with paul's thorn in the flesh. but i won't ask for that for it is too much for me. i couldn't handle it (am not that strong eventho i am big!):p. this reminds me of edmond dantes haha he suffer alot for he didn't do anything wrong. but he go through all of the bad and bad. such a gentleman. i don't know what i am talking about, just trying to write something that sounds encouraging. haha! i am a bad writer 0.O" . anyway i slowly understand part of what you told me. slowly, i'll grow up and be better. :) miss you!